First Day of School
Finally I’m back…, after a (too) long holiday home for 2 months (shall never do it again). I left for Indonesia just 2 days after my Attachement ended and back in Singapore again just 1 day before the school starts.
And abrupt it was! With very limited (and expensive) internet connection back home, I practically didn’t settle any work back home. So there was I, the boy who was very pampered for the past 2 months at home, woke up at 5am on sunday to catch a plane to Singapore, took an MRT back from Changi to Boon Lay, carrying a 25 kg of luggages (after you go to Indonesia, you’ll know how much 30$ actually really worth), tahan with my dusty room, and deliver stuff that my sister asked me to bring from home. I ended that frantic sunday at midnight, feeling like vommitting (perhaps being too tired), hoping to wake up early in the morning to settle: my subject registration, my final year project confirmation, CSA’s venue booking, etc.
I was scared.
And the first of school was actually very interesting: suddenly I felt being like a freshman, new and unfamiliar to school (thanks for moving up the canteen and taking away my favourite POSB ATM), i felt very vulnerable, like a small boy, scared to meet people. For the first day since a very verly long time ago I felt totally not confident. In the evening during a meeting, I was totally quiet. I thought I lost my command of English!
The beauty of it was, during this troubled time, I turned back to what I believe in. For my case was prayer. I began to see small miracles again. The subject registration was smooth, the venue booking was prompt, I began to appreciate my friends again (every single one of them) and the activities (I used to call them bussyness) that I have. I began to be thankful. Not to mention of course my productivity increased.
This what I called the beauty in vulnerability. When you are not sure of what will happen, and you leave it in Good Hands, after you have done your part. When you look at mundane things with new eyes. When you start to appreciate every single small things. When you dare to take that first step walking on water. You become a beautiful creature. Now I sort of understand when Jesus (allegedly) said, "Happy are those who are gentle, they shall have the earth as the inheritance,… Happy are the pure in heart, they shall see God." My take on ‘earth as inheritance’ is that it has been there all the while, only when you become gentle at heart, you began to see all the small blessings in your life, and begin to claim that inheritance. Basically the whole earth.
So as I begin to get back on my feet and lost my vulnerabilty, I want to retain that "Frist day at school boy" (strangely). Minus the worries, minus the fear, keep the faith, keep the vulnerability, keep the innoncence, keep the gratefulness.
I feel that when I become too confident, I become an ass hole.
And I learn one more thing: In life, it is actually easy to take the best option, and thus wait for the result, knowing that it was already the best option taken. But this process takes a very very long and tiring process of research. You can’t do it for everything in life. So sometimes, you have to be contented and brave enough to take the option that is not the best. I call it resilient. Taking not-the-best-option in life and thankful and brave enough to live out the consequences. It’s beautiful, my friend.
So okay, I’m back, hopefully I always keep that first day experience in my heart as I live out my last year in NTU, my last month as exco in CSA… Blessed are the gentle, blessed are the poor in heart… Adversity does brings out the best in a person.
A short update of what happened for the 2 months: punching bag of sands, got thrown with 3 fingers by an Aikido 4th Dan Sensei: Imanul Haqim, ate over 6 type of fish (miss my mum’s cooking!), read lots on Indian spirituality, prepared power point slides for my mum’s lecture.
Alright, shall write more later, Peace be with you all.
