In Search of Happiness

Perhaps it’s time for some updates…

This week has been good, Thursday was a public holiday, no more chasing deadline for abstract submission, my supervisor treated us lunch, I went to Cytology and Histopathology Labs, saw 2 real placentas, a disected left mammary gland, some cervixes, the whole of femur (thigh bone), finally hold a real katana (samurai sword), downloaded South Park (I still think it is one of the most genius cartoon ever) Season 11 and 12 after missing them for around a year now and many more I cannot mentioned here

As for the title of the post, it is a spoof of the book "The Monk Whos Sold His Ferrari". It was heavily recommended by my uncle (an avid Reiki practicioner) and one of my friends. When I got hold of the eBook, I was very happy, because I thought finally there is a story about someone who really is able to forsake the world for spiritual gain… But until I reach the 7th chapter, I was rather disappointed. First of all, it is just a fable. It is a story. Perhaps there was never the monk who sold his car. Perhaps, once you are rich enough to own a ferrari, you wouldn’t want to be a monk. Secondly, as the book progresses I sensed that it is just another self-help, quick-fixes, NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) type of books. Not a diary of an enlightened person. Well, I shall reserve my judgement, maintain my objectivity and my open mind and continue to read the book.

As for the everlasting debate on which comes first, spiritual or material, I just would like to add my two cents worth: perhaps the ’spiritual’ people put spirituality first, because they have not much of material in the first place… Perhaps that’s why the first disciples of Jesus were fishermen… And again the ‘rich young man’ in the gospel ‘went away sad’ when Jesus asked him to sell all his possesions and follow him.

Enough for my bigottery, narrow-minded, one-sided, unfair accusations…

Last Sunday, I listened to the recordings I made during the CSA Investiture when I ran as the president. I listened to the speeches, and especially my own speech.

It made me sad, because at that time I was very passionate about ministry / service. I used phrases like "If there is any particular group of people that I would like to devote my time and energy to, that would be CSA" and "Let Love be sincere". Looking at myself now, I feel that, the ‘fire’ is quenched out. I just ‘lose’ it.

What made me thinking was that this is just one of the many examples which I lost my passion in, in fact I have lost my passion on many of the things that I used to think complete my life. Religious practices, Industrial Attachment, Scientific Research, and some other things that I used to put my whole enery, my time, my over-flowing juice of creativity. Perhaps the best phrase to describe it is "I just lose it".

The only thing that remains kindled in my heart is martial arts. Aikido trainings just simply ‘turn me on’, one to one coaching with a junior, imparting my secret techniques and my spiritual insights, the excitement and at the same time, the calmness during a free sparring, browsing the library for good books / videos on techniques, 100 shomeunchi (vertical cut) with my bokken (wooden katana), or even simply doing irimi tenkan (body evasive movement) before I sleep.

I do fear that one day, it too will die off like the things I mentioned above…

It is interesting to note that when I ran for presidency, I was already the vice-president of the aikido club. I said in my speech "For me, aikido is a hobby, but for CSA, I cannot say that my hobby is Jesus. It is the people that I want to serve". Then my brother asked, could you pin point when the period that you lost the interest in service and grew more interest in aikido. Then I answered, perhaps when I discovered the spiritual path in aikido (and in martial arts in general).

I would like to quote my ex-roomate during JC who quoted another person who said, "pessimism is not the hallmark of maturity". Hahaha. Somewhat I feel like a jaded old man. (my sis-in-law, clare once said that I behave like a 40 year old man).

Anyway, do not worry, the post might sound much sadder than my actual condition, so hahaha, I am still quite cheerful.

As for ministy / service, I am looking forward to the old-folks home visit this saturday. We are basically not doing something great. I just want to see whether I can still enjoy it, or totally disgusted by it. hahaha.

Well, for you all, I wish you all that life will be kind to you; that you may find a particular vocation that you can pump everything that you have, your body, your mind your soul into it; that you may find the person that you can embrace with everything that you have, your body, your heart, your mind. God speed.

My Dear IA mate, just want to tell you this:

It is not for certain that she will give you good grades if you slave your ass out for her.

It is not for certain either that she will give you bad grades if you work at a reasonable pace.

The only thing that you can be certain is that: reporting at 8.30am and signing off at 6pm makes you happy. So be it!

Well, for those who think being a lab technician is a piece of cake, let me enlighten your small uneducated mind hahahaha! Just take for example, the simplest, staple food, for all (bio)researchers: micro-pipetting (ranges from 1 micro litter to 1000 micro litter). The considerations for accurate pipetting are:
1. Should you stop at the first stop or the second stop for elution
2. Should you wipe the filter tips
3. Should you pipet two times with smaller volumes or should you pipet one time with larger volume.
4. Filtered tips?
5. Mixing by pipeting up and down?
6. How deep should you dip?
7. Pre-wet the tip?

Those are only a few. Hahahaha. I think with all these sophistication, I will obtain Enlightenment from pipetting (if Zen masters can gain satori from cutting bamboos, perhaps I can too…)

IA dear IA… "I shall be saying this with a sigh…" "Two roads diverged on a yellow road, and I, I choose the path less travelled." I gave my ALL for this IA, Stayed back until 11pm in the Lab: Check. Skipping Palm Sunday: Check. Coming on 3 consecutive weekends: Check. Not complaining for 2 months salary backlog: Check. Missing aikido training, cell group, countless dinners and late lunches: Check.

And now I am in doubt whether the cause I am serving is worth it. And especially, the master I am serving, is worth it.

If I am a soldier, I wouldn’t mind fighting a good fight, provided a good reason for the battle, and a good leader.

But now, I shall be quoting from the movie Troy, by Achilees: "Do not waste your life for a stupid leader."

I thought a good leader, should fight for the welfare of the subordinates. Well, for GOoDness sake, please just fake it and pretend that you care, for the sake of the team.

Well, perhaps it’s just welcome to the real world. working life… welcome welcome.

Side note, last week my sensei asked me to go for another promotion to 3rd kyu in aikido. He said, I chalked up enough training hours. My last promotion was only last month. Can get blackbelt before I leave NTU? Hahaha shouldn’t be thinking about it, since perhaps when I finally join another aikido school, they’ll ask me to start from 6th kyu all the way back.

A quote from After Sex, 2007, a good movie:
"Love is a guessing game, and that’s the beauty of it.
There is no guarantee about it. It’s like diving into a pool of water not knowing if it is shallow or deep.
If it is shallow, sure you’ll end up hurt and paralysed neck down;
but if it is deep…
It’s like taking a leap of faith… And that’s what life is all about…"

And today is such a coincidence that I met my friend on my way back from IA, my friend and the father. Funny coz we started talking about martial arts, and we just clicked. Just such a coincidence. Just 1 minute later or earlier, I might have taken another train, just 1 door away, I wouldn’t have seen them. Hahaha.

Now… I’m itchy for some aikido… wanna do some good yoga or good reiki… wanna some good sleep… wanna have a good talk with some people too… wanna be happy… wanna talk to one particular person… not urgent / important, perhaps just wanna clear some stuff, but perhaps there is nothing to be cleared.

Ooops now is almost 2 am, and it’s gonna rain soon! So gonna have a nice sleep. Good nitez yooo you fellow night animals!

Namaste.

(sigh… retyping the post. This supposed to be the first entry).

Finally! I am writting a blog. Lagi pengen aja. As for the name, it just came to my mind. I think it is the single most common commodity that people look for. Continuously. And I am one of them. Especially right now, perhaps rather… desperately. I promise that once I manage to get hold of it, I shall close this blog. In the mean time, accompany me in this journey together, as I share my ramblings, my complaints, my dreams, my crazy ideas. I do hope as we look back, we call the road we have travelled: Emmaus.

I’d like to see for how long i’ll be able to maintain this blog…

Some backgoround information: I am doing internship in a hospital. Now is past midnight and I can tell you that I just got back. I finished my work at 10.30pm, and it is not uncommon for me to be this late. I am anything but… tired. Perhaps physically, perhaps mentally, perhaps both. (Like sick and tired but also tired and sick).

So, welcome to my blog. I shall be sharing my thoughts, reflections on my life, my work, religion, martial arts, aikido, self defence, crazy innovatibe ideas, movie reviews, book reviews, dreams, plans, past, philosophy, new age, yoga, meditation, zen, anything…

It is interesting that my workplace is sandwhiched between two churches well known / named after famous miracles.

The Novena Church (a.k.a St Alphonsus Church) which is famous for its novena prayer to Our Mother of Pepertual Help. (Ever wonder why the Novena MRT is named as such, not ‘Thompson’ MRT?)

The Our Lady of Lourdes, which is named after the apparation of ‘The Immaculate Conception’, around a hundred years ago. An icon of the Catholic faith.

It is interesting… coz in my life right now, I am looking for miracles, but see none…

If miracles mean getting what we want…

…perhaps I’ll be making stupid decisions in my life… perhaps…